An Encounter in the Woods

One

Victoria waved her hand across the heat vent in her small sedan. The temperature was hot enough, but the fan was not forcefully pushing air into the car. She turned the control to the floor setting and sat back into her driver’s seat. She looked out at the chilled Appalachian ridgeline beyond the highway lanes. Flurries were starting to fall on the beautiful, light brown fields that rushed past on either side of the car. Right before the imposing ridgeline, she could see a line of red brake lights; cars were slowing down at the bottom of the mountain. Flashing red and blue police lights blurrily formed in view down the road. Victoria put on her windshield wipers; the flurries were starting to cake onto the windshield. She slowed as she approached the stopped cars. The police officer was talking to each driver as they stopped at a checkpoint. Some cars were turning around and going back East on the highway. When Victoria’s turn arrived, the officer said:

“Evening, ma’am. We’re about to close the mountain road once this storm picks up. The highway is a little slick going up the mountain already. You could go back to a detour two exits back. This car might have trouble getting up the hill.”

“How soon is the storm coming? I have to make it to my hotel tonight”, said Victoria.

“You headed to State College?”

“Yes. For an interview at the university tomorrow morning”, Victoria responded.

“The storm’s already started. Gonna be worse up the mountain. Probably safest to get a motel off one of the exits behind you”, said the officer.

Victoria responded, “I’m going to try to go farther. See if I can make it.”

“Ok, ma’am. That’s your call, but be safe.”

Victoria started up the mountain road. The roads looked clear enough for her small sedan. She continued as the road steepened. Her windshield was starting to have difficulty clearing the flurries. She turned the control in her car to defrost. The sedan kept its pace up the steepest part of the mountain road. Suddenly, the flurrying turned into a squall. She couldn’t see two feet beyond the car. Victoria slowed down and followed the white line on the right-hand edge of her lane. She was having difficulty keeping up with the turns of the mountain road. She kept veering onto the rumble strips at the edge of the road or kept swerving into the left lane next to her. There were no lights around from cars or street lights. She prayed there were no cars coming up beside her; or worse, cars coming down the East lane and veering toward her. Suddenly, as she slowly traced the side of the road up the mountain, she could feel the road level out. She made it to the top of the mountain. The blinding snow continued, but she could slowly follow the road lines more carefully. She passed a reflective green sign saying:

“State College. Keep Left. ½ mile.”

Followed by a yellow sign that showed a snake-like curved black line with the description:

“Next 3 miles.”

She slowly took the curving highway left, and then slowly right. The highway was now surrounded by deep woods on either side. She could feel the back wheels of her car slightly slipping as she turned. She slowed to 5 mph and squinted to try to see the left hand turn toward State College, PA. The road went into a slight downgrade. When she took the next left-hand curve, the back end of her car spun and sent her car into a 360 degree spin. Victoria pumped her brakes as best she could, the momentum shifting backward then forward. Her car crossed the oncoming lane of traffic as it spun. The car finally stopped on the shoulder of the eastbound lane. Victoria sat, stunned, her heart beating rapidly, her lungs hyperventilating. The car was surrounded by semi-darkness except for the lighting from the car’s headlights in front and the red rear brake light behind her. The deep woods on either side of the road and heavy snow were blocking any remaining evening light.

Two

Victoria’s mind was racing. Should she get her car going again? Try to drive the rest of the way? Was there a gas station to stop anywhere near her? She scared herself thinking about being trapped in her car in a snowstorm throughout the night, with her gas running slowly to empty, followed by an increasingly frigid interior. She pulled out her phone. She opened her map application. The map details wouldn’t load. She had one bar of reception. Could she still make a call? She had multiple contacts in her phone for friends and colleagues in State College. But she probably wouldn’t make it that far with her car. She could call police. She also periodically kept in touch with her advisor and mentor from graduate school, Russel Walters. Didn’t he say he moved into the woods outside State College? She found his contact and called. The phone rang eight times without an answer. She hit END and then called again. One ring….two…..

“Hello? Victoria?”, answered 56 year-old Russel Walters.

“Dr. Walters? Yes, its Victoria Williams. I hate to bother you. I’m in the State College area and I’m stuck at the side of the road in this snow. I just drove over 7-Hills Mountain and my car skidded out of control. The roads are getting bad. Do you know a gas station on 322, about 8 miles outside State College, that could tow me?”

“Vicky, you’re right down the road from me!”, his speech slurred a little. “I own the small bar at the side of the road, before you turn toward State College. We could literally push you to the parking lot. Let me bundle up and bring a few guys to get you.”

Walters was speaking a little louder than needed. Victoria could tell he had been drinking. This new scenario of a group of guys appearing out of the heavy snow to push her car had become a little surreal; a little scary. Though she trusted Dr. Walters, drunk or not. She stepped out of the car to get the bearings of what was around the car. She had enough room to slowly drive the car across the highway to the right-hand side of the road. Getting back into the car, she slowly drove across the highway into the westbound shoulder. The car skidded to a stop even at a slow speed. Victoria put her hazard lights on and high beams, so the men could see her car as they approached. Five minutes later, she could see three dark figures walking toward the car. She stepped out into the snow.

“Thank you so much Dr. Walters!”, Victoria yelled down the road.

“Hey Vicky! Great to see you!”, he pulled her into a big bear hug.

“Great to see you, too.”

Dr. Russel Walters looked shaggy in his knit cap with plumes of wiry gray-brown hair pouring out the bottom of his hat, a bright orange hunting vest over a camouflage puffy jacket, and a long unkempt beard. He looked 20 years older than the slightly handsome, tall scholar she had last seen 5 years before. She had heard from friends and colleagues that he had gone through a tragedy, had recently divorced and retired early. But his appearance still surprised her.

“What should we do with the car?”, Victoria asked.

“Why don’t we get in and try to slowly drive it down the road? Do you want me to drive?”, said Walters.

“No. I’ll feel okay driving a little farther with you guys in the car.” She could tell Walters was in no condition to drive.

“This is John and Paul.”, said Walters.

“Good to meet you, gentlemen. Thank you so much!”, said Victoria.

They smiled and raised a hand to wave. “Sure. You’re welcome. Quite a storm, huh?”, Paul said.

Victoria and the three men got into the car. John and Paul had to move around two bags and squeezed into the small backseat. Victoria looked in her side mirror to look for any car lights. It was pitch black behind them. The wheels spun a little as she accelerated. She slowly drove into the lane.

“Its just a little farther down the road, on the right. You’ll start to see the bar lights.”, said Walters.

They arrived in less than two minutes. Victoria slowly pulled into the gravel parking lot.

“Park it right next to the building.”

She pulled aside the small building. A lighted white, wooden sign with black words read: “The Road Stop”. There were neon beer signs on front of the small, square, stucco building. It looked like a dive from the outside.

Victoria and the men climbed out of the car. She followed them through the front door of the bar. The door opened to a smokey, dimly lit barroom with a long bar on one side of the modest, square room and, on the other side, a wall was lined by a pool table, an arcade game, and a pay phone. There was a flat screen TV mounted behind the bar and a shelf of back-lighted liquor bottles. Three patrons sat on stools along the bar and turned around as they entered.

“We got her!”, yelled Walters. “Folks: this is Victoria Williams, Ph.D.! She was a student of mine a few years back.”

Walters gestured toward the bar and said, “Grab a seat, Vicky. Let’s get you some coffee to warm up and figure out the arrangements.”

“Ok. Thanks.”, said Victoria, walking to the farthest stool at the end of the bar. Walters walked behind the bar and grabbed a coffee cup and filled it under the bar. He put the cup in front of Victoria.

“What do you wanna do? You can stay the night here. Or we could see if a truck could drive you into town. The storm is supposed to be a big one. Surprised you didn’t hear about it. Not the sort of thing you want to drive into.”, said Walters.

“If I could get a ride to my hotel, that would be great. If I could leave my car here, I’ll get a ride back after my interview tomorrow.”, said Victoria.

“Let me call the gas station down the road. They could probably take the tow truck out in this and drive you into town.”

As Russel made calls, the man three stools down from Victoria turned and asked, “So, you were Russ’ student? What do you do?”

“I’ve been a college counselor for the past 5 years in Philadelphia. I’m interviewing for an Assistant Professor position in the Clinical Psychology program tomorrow.”, said Victoria.

“Oh. Ok. I’m Harry. So what’s your claim to fame? What are you known for as a psychologist?.” Harry winked.

“I don’t have any psychology fame. Though, I’m a third cousin to the Williams sisters. The tennis stars.”, said Victoria.

“No shit?!?”, said Harry. “No wonder you’re such a looker. I’ve always liked watching them play.” 

A woman next to Harry said, “Harry. Stop making that young woman uncomfortable. She doesn’t need a dirty old drunk flirting with her.” She burst with laughter after the comment.

“Its okay, ma’am.”, said Victoria.

Walters walked back down the bar to Victoria and leaned against the back wall with a half-full rocks glass in his hands. “I can’t get anybody. I called three stations. Must have all closed early with the storm. Why don’t you crash on my couch tonight and we’ll see if we can get you to your hotel early tomorrow morning? I have a pickup truck with bare tires. I’d try to drive you tonight but it won’t get up and down the hills to town. And the guys here shouldn’t drive that far in this. We can spend the evening catching up. Beside, they’ll probably have to cancel the interview tomorrow. University might close with a storm this size.”

Victoria was anxious about being unprepared for her interview, but couldn’t see any other option. “Ok. Thanks, Dr. Walters. If I’m not imposing.”

“No way! It’ll be great to catch up. If you don’t mind a small, messy cabin.”

The bar patrons all started to stand up together and each put $20 bills on the bar.

“Russ, it’s time to get on the road to the beat this storm. I’m driving this rowdy lot home.”, said Paul.

“Ok, gang. Figured this would be an early night. Drive safe, Paul! See you all tomorrow night if the roads are clear.”, said Russel.

As the group meandered out into the parking lot, Russel started walking around and turning the TV and neon signs off.

“You okay with a 10 minute walk to my cabin? I would put a bag together from your car and leave the rest in there.”

Victoria couldn’t picture where they’d be going from here. The idea of stepping out into the storm and walking for 10 minutes next to a highway worried her. And where was the cabin? On the side of the highway?

“Ok. I’ll go get my bag together.”

Three

Victoria walked out to her car. It was already covered with two inches of snow. She opened her trunk and opened her biggest suitcase. She grabbed a thick sweater, took her too-thin jacket off, and put the sweater over her sweatshirt. She tied the sleeves from another sweatshirt around her neck and put her jacket back on. She grabbed a change of clothes for the next day and zipped her suitcase closed. She grabbed one of the small bags from her backseat and put her change of clothes in. She made sure her charger was in the small bag and then closed up and locked the car.

Walters walked out of the bar, locked the front door, and waved Victoria in the direction of their walk.

“Where is your cabin?”, asked Victoria.

“Its down one of the gravel roads around here. I’m nice and hidden away these days.”, said Russel. “Let me take that.”

He grabbed her bag to carry. As they walked along the highway in the heavy snow, Russel turned on a flashlight.

“There’s plenty of shoulder to walk here. And only a few souls will be left on the roads tonight. So, you’re interviewing with the department tomorrow? They’ll be stupid if they don’t take you. Ed Spokane is the chair of the department now.”

“I know. I’ve been talking with him about the posting. He seems to be doing a nice job with the department.”, said Victoria.

“I’ll give him a call later this week. I’ll tell him to ignore the other candidates.”

Victoria could make out a smile as Walters turned to look at her.

“I actually tried to get in touch with you for a recommendation letter. I mean, it’s okay. I understand it was a fast request. It’s been a while since I’ve caught you on Facebook.”, said Victoria.

“Yea. Sorry. I’ve been mostly off the radar the last two years. I bring my laptop to the bar only once a month to pay bills,” said Walters. “I rarely open email or social media.”

“Yea. It’s okay. Thank you for the phone call to Dr. Spokane!” Victoria waited a beat. “I’ve missed keeping in touch with you. I haven’t wanted to pry the past two years.”

“You know, I’ve been meaning to message you for months now. I keep thinking about messaging whenever I see a post from you. You’ve really been a good friend of mine. I’m sorry I didn’t keep up. If it helps, I haven’t called my mom in a few months.”

Russel turned and flashed another smile. But Victoria could see something behind his eyes this time.

“Here’s our road”, said Russel.

He pointed the flashlight at a gravel road barely wider than a driveway. Russel started walking down the road first. Victoria tried to look down the gravel path. The woods that the road entered were pitch black. The overcast sky provided no light. The heavy snow made the visibility only the next five or six feet in front of them.

This situation would seem insane for Victoria if she didn’t feel so comfortable with her old mentor. Though the idea alone of walking into a dark woods at nighttime scared her senseless, she felt okay if she walked close enough to Russel.

“Do you usually walk home alone?”, Victoria asked. “Don’t these woods scare you?”

“Nah. I know these woods backwards and forwards. The black bears make me worry a little. But they scare pretty easy.”, said Russel. “These woods are usually pretty charming at night. They’ll be beautiful when the storm clears out.”

Victoria tried to look around as the gravel crunched under her feet. She looked back toward Walters and almost lost the flashlight beam in front of her. She felt a quick panic and sped up her pace to stay right behind Walters.

“How’s it been working at the counseling center?”, asked Walters.

“It’s been great. We’re busy, so I’m getting a lot of experience. I’ve been able to work on some research with our clinical data. I caught the research bug the last couple years. Although my heads still been stuck in State College since I left grad school. I’ve always felt home here.”

“The department has a lot of new professors. Some of the old folks have left or retired. Dr. Brown is doing part-time private practice now. And Dr. Ashworth moved to the west coast and became a program director of a new graduate program. Psych Departments don’t stay as stable as they used to.”, said Walters. “So, do you feel okay starting again at Assistant Professor? What do you plan to focus your research on?”

“Well, I would be in this for the long haul. So I’m okay starting over to get a spot in the department. I’d love to have a family in State College. I’ve been looking at problem-focused interventions between young trainees and experienced therapists. Even though there’s little difference in outcome between new and experienced therapists, I’ve been looking at the differences with problem-focused competency. I’ve been looking at it with grief clients recently.”, said Victoria.

“Sounds great. You always had a great mind for clinical research.”, said Walters. “We’re almost there. You’ll see my cabin in a minute.”

Walters started shining the flashlight on the right side of the gravel path. After a few seconds, he found a short wooden post with a number on it. He turned right onto a narrower gravel path that led slightly downhill. Victoria began to make out the outline of Walters’ cabin down the path. It was a small, old-fashioned cabin made up of log cross-beams and a wood shingle roof. It looked like a cabin out of a Daniel Boone recreation. Walters walked to the right side of the cabin and pulled the draw string on a generator. The generator roared to life. Walters shifted a lever on the generator and it shifted to a low rumble. Victoria could see light through the front windows glow from dim to a soft steady light. Walters walked around to the front to unlock a pad on a latch on the front, wooden door. He turned and waved Victoria in through the front door.

Four

Victoria walked into a one-room cabin with a soft overhead light socket hanging from a wire draped over a cross beam. The room had a stale burned wood smell from the fireplace; a wide and deep brick fireplace in the middle-back wall of the cabin. On the right-hand edge of the fireplace, a metal bin held firewood that overflowed onto the floor around.  On the left of the cabin, there was a modest wood table against the wall, with one chair. The table was stacked with books, journals, piles of mail, and some loose papers. A mini fridge sat on the floor against the left wall, with a wire running under the worn, brown, wool area rug that covered most of the floor. Victoria could understand why the small refrigerator didn’t need to stay on at this time of the year. The cabin was no less cold than the outside. At the front left corner of the cabin was an attractive, antique wardrobe. The top half was open shelves with drinking and wine glasses, some silverware, a few plates, and some non-perishable foods. On the top of the wardrobe was a long rack of wine bottles. The bottom half of the wardrobe was two drawers, presumably for Walters’ clothes. On the right hand side of the cabin was a twin bed in the back-right corner. A small table next to the bed held a lamp on top and a stereo system on the bottom shelf. Next to the table was a worn leather couch that filled the rest of the space on the right side of the cabin. In the middle of the area rug was a worn, red lazy-boy chair. Just past the threshold at the inside front of the cabin, there was a wood-fire stove slightly off the front wall on a large, square, concrete slab.

The small cabin room had charm. It was cozy and intimate, though most people would go stir crazy in this space after a few days. Walters put a few logs into the brick fireplace and some kindling and newspaper under the logs. He lit a long match and set the paper on fire. He brought a log and a few dry sticks to the wood-fire stove. He lit another long match and placed the sticks into the stove. Once the sticks were alight, he put the log into the stove and closed the door.

“This room will heat up really fast. Excuse the cramped quarters.”, Walters made a sheepish half smile. “I’ll put your bag on the couch here. I’ll get a blanket and pillow from under my bed when you’re ready to sleep. Can I pour you a glass of wine? Make yourself comfortable.”

“Yes, a glass of wine would be fine. Thank you.”

Victoria walked to the couch and took her coat off, but left her other layers on until the room warmed up more. She pulled out her phone and looked for any voicemails or email. Her phone had registered a missed call from her mom; likely checking to see if she arrived at her hotel. Her email wouldn’t load any new mail. Her phone said NO SERVICE at the top-left. She wrote a quick email to her mom. She hoped it would catch enough signal to send eventually. For now, she only said she arrived safely. She would tell her mom the longer story the next day. Victoria’s phone had a quarter of the battery left.

“Do you have an outlet for my phone charger?”, asked Victoria.

“Yea. There’s a power strip behind the table next to the couch.”, said Walters.

Victoria fished in her bag for her phone charger. She plugged the charger in and connected her phone and placed it on the table. Walters handed her a stemless wine glass, filled three quarters with a deep red wine. The bouquet of the red wine smelled wonderful. Victoria grabbed a small blanket from the near arm of the couch, sat on the far end of the couch with her glass of wine, and covered her legs with the blanket.

Walters finished pouring himself a glass of wine. He turned on the small stereo on the bottom shelf of the lamp table. A jazz song was playing, low volume, mid-song when the stereo turned on. Walters fell into the red lazy-boy in the middle of the room, splashing a little of his wine onto his hunting vest.

“It’s so great to get this chance to see you. Who would have figured you’d end up crashing in my cabin?”, said Walters.

“Yea. This is a crazy turn of events. I’m glad too that it gave me a chance to see you. Thanks so much for helping like this.”, said Victoria.

“Do you feel good about tomorrow?”, asked Walters.

“I feel good but I’m nervous. I really want the chance to move here. I think there was a part of me since early grad school that pictured myself teaching in State College. They want me to present a lesson tomorrow. That will be the most daunting part.”, said Victoria.

“What are you gonna lecture on?”, asked Walters.

“I’m doing a Multicultural Counseling lecture. I have some slides and then a few exercises for the group.”, said Victoria.

“Oh, that will be great. You’ll do great.”, said Walters.

They each took a sip of their wine.

“So, do you get lonely out here?”, asked Victoria.

“Nah. I like the quiet. Plus I have that gang at the bar to mess around with.”, said Walters. He looked down into his glass of wine. “I decided to take a step back a few years ago, after my divorce.”

“Do you live out here all the time? Or is this a cabin you bought for time away?”, asked Victoria.

“No. I live here now. I’ve actually always wanted to live out in the woods like this.”, said Walters.

Victoria took a second to find her wording.

“Do you mind if I ask what happened with Cathy? I know it’s probably a long story. I was just surprised to see you guys split up. Does Mary come out to stay with you here?”, asked Victoria.

“No….I don’t mind.” Walters paused for a second. It looked like he was wrestling with the wording in his head. “We, um, lost our daughter to a car accident two and a half years ago. The police said she was playing on her cell phone. Cathy and I couldn’t figure out how to help each other after a while. We grew apart and tried desperately to hold it together and then eventually gave up. We still talk, but the marriage was never going to recover.”

Victoria was staring at Walters in shock. “Oh my god, Russ. I didn’t know that. I’m so sorry. Oh my god.”

“It’s ok. It’s been a while now.”, Walters said. “Kind of explains things though, doesn’t it?” He smiled and laughed.

Victoria’s expression stayed frozen. She hadn’t caught up with the news yet. After a few beats her brain started moving again.

“How old was she? I don’t think I ever met your daughter, but I remember pictures in your office.”, said Victoria.

“She was 18. Had just started college. She had to get away from here; was going to a small private school north of Pittsburgh called Wellyn. Accident was on I-80 at the beginning of Thanksgiving break.”  Walters continued to look down into his glass.

“Jesus, Russ! That’s terrible!”, said Victoria. “You seemed so happy with your friends. I thought you were in some sort of retirement phase; living out in the woods. I had no idea.”

“It’s actually been good out here. I had a period where I was fighting against everything; raging against everyone and anything that crossed my path. But it wasn’t raw anger. I was hiding everything and treating everyone with this fake, veiled rage. I’ve let go out here. I had to completely lose myself before I started figuring out how to put one foot in front of the other again.”, said Walters.

“That’s really impressive, Dr. Walters.”, said Victoria.

“Didn’t know you were going to give your old professor a therapy session, did you?”, Walters said with a smile. “Do you want another glass?”

Walters grabbed Victoria’s glass before she could answer.

“We need to talk about you and what you’ve been doing. What’ve you been doing in Philly, outside work?”

“Just a small glass. I’ve been able to reconnect with some friends near home. A lot of them are getting married now and having kids. I’ve been close to my parents. I’ve been spending too many Saturday nights going out to dinner with them instead of people my own age.”, Victoria flashed a half smile.

“Have you been dating? Leaving any boys in the dust for State College?”, asked Walters.

Victoria paused for a second. “I had a serious relationship for a few years. Ended last year. Basically I was ready for something more serious and he wasn’t.”, said Victoria.

“Idiot! What was wrong with this guy?”, asked Walters.

“He was a good guy. Just got scared at the end. Gave me a good reason to come back here…if I get the job.”

“Ah. So we both needed a change of scenery.”, said Walters. “Was the breakup that bad? Or do you just need a fresh start overall?”

“Both, kinda. We started talking about marriage and starting a family. Rob was unsure if he wanted to wait, but was warming up to the idea of marriage. Then, we thought I was pregnant. I had a bunch of positive pregnancy tests and even the bloodwork at the doctor was positive. Rob freaked out. He said he didn’t know what we should do and that we should take our time talking about it. By the time we learned I wasn’t actually pregnant, the relationship had past the point of repair. The doctors told me it was either a chemical pregnancy, which means my hormones made it look like I was pregnant when I wasn’t, or it wasn’t a ‘viable conception’ and an early miscarriage. Rob kept saying he wanted to stay together, but I saw where we were. We were on two different pages. We’re trying to be friends, but we haven’t talked for a few months now.”

“That’s a big loss. That must have been a lot to go through.”, said Walters.
Russel and Victoria sat quietly for a few beats.

“So, do you primarily work at the bar and spend time here? Do you go back into town much?”, asked Victoria.

“No. Its back and forth to the bar three or four nights a week. And then I spend a lot of time out here. I’ve done a little writing. I hunt and fish and walk around these woods. You’d be surprised how much time you can pass in the woods when your body gets used to slowing down.”, said Walters.

“Have you thought about any companionship? Do you go on any dates?”, asked Victoria.

“I kinda feel like I had that part of my life. I feel like I’m supposed to focus on other parts of my life now.”, said Walters.

“When you say you’re supposed to focus on other parts of your life, it sounds like that’s being decided for you or it’s a plan you have to follow.”, said Victoria.

“Ha! You’re such a therapist!”, said Walters with a smile. He looked down at his glass. “I spent a lot of time avoiding my feelings and then I spent a good bit of time out here letting my feelings just wash over me and drown me at times. At some point, I had to make a decision about what I was going to do. I decided what I wanted my life to be.”

“So what is that?”, asked Victoria. “What is your life supposed to be now?”

“I’ve gotten in touch with what I’ve always been deeper down. I like to be out in nature. I like to drink sometimes and get drunk sometimes. I like to write sometimes. I like to joke around with friends. And every now and again, I get a pleasant surprise and get to spend time talking to one of my old students.”, Russel flashed another smile. “I think eventually I’ll get back into a little private practice work.”

“Man, I wish I could be that free. I always have to be doing the right thing.”, said Victoria.

“Ok. My turn as therapist.” Walters leaned in with a half-smile. “Why can’t you be free? Why do you have to do the right thing?”

“Well, a therapist probably shouldn’t start questions with the word ‘Why’. It assumes judgement.” Victoria looked at Walters like a teenager that proved their parent wrong and then smiled. “I’m probably too young to be that free. I want certain things, and those things mean certain responsibilities. As for my need to do the right thing, I’ll spare us that deeper personal work for now.”

“But what would you do if you didn’t have those responsibilities?”, asked Walters.

“I don’t know. I’d probably be doing the same things. I want kids. I want a partner. I want to be a good psychologist.”, said Victoria.

“Well, that’s good. You’re right where you need to be, then.”, said Walters. He turned to look out the window. “Do you hear that? The storm has died down. Looks like the sky is clearing up a bit. Do you want to take a nighttime walk in the woods? It should be beautiful.”

“Man, I should probably get some sleep.”, said Victoria.

“Come on! They’re going to close the university tomorrow. You’ll have your interview on Tuesday. Come on…it will be an experience.”, plead Walters.

“Ok. For a little bit. But I’m pretty tired. I need to get to sleep soon anyway.”

“You can borrow a pair of my boots. They’ll be a little big on you but we can give you some extra socks and wrapping to fill them in.”, said Walters.

Walters pulled a pair of boots from under his bed. He opened one of the wardrobe drawers and gave her two pairs of thick outdoor socks. Victoria put the socks and boots on and found they fit her well enough. Walter put a few more logs in the fireplace and two new logs in the wood stove to keep the cabin warm for their return.

Five

Victoria and Russell walked out of the cabin. The snow on the ground had to be over a foot now. The woods had much more light now. The sky had some small quickly moving dark clouds, but in between the clouds the sky was crystal clear. There was a bright, ¾ moon in the middle of the sky. The woods were beautiful. The moonlight bouncing off the fallen snow made the forest floor shining white and gave a bright outline to the bare tree branches. Some pine trees interspersed between the bare trees were weighed down and covered by the bright snow. Walters was right; this was an experience to behold.

“Let’s walk down the road about a mile. There’s a meadow down the road. We can go into the clearing and see the night sky.”, said Walters.

They trudged through the deep snow up the driveway. They turned right at the road and started their walk.

“Keep an eye out for owls flying from tree to tree. On a bright night like this, you see them a lot more than usual.”, said Walters.

They walked in silence for a bit.

“Thank you for telling me about your daughter and your divorce. I didn’t realize you were going through all of that. I wish I could have been there for you.”, said Victoria.

“Thank you, Vicky! I wasn’t letting a lot of people in for a while. It was too painful and I needed to be closed for a while. I’m sorry about your relationship and the pregnancy.”, said Walters.

“Thanks. I guess I’m much more in the middle of that mess right now. I really need this job to be able to shift gears.”, said Victoria. “God! This is so beautiful. You were right; thank you for talking me into a walk. I haven’t done this sort of thing for myself recently. Its just been all work.”

They reached the clearing in the woods to their right. Twenty-five feet off the road, the trees opened to a vast field stretching almost as far as they could see at that time of night. The next stand of trees could just be seen on the other side of the meadow. As they walked out into the field, the night sky opened up above them. The stars were brilliant. You could just make out the colorful strip of Milky Way through the middle of the sky. The moon probably masked a full sky of stars and its brightness was almost blinding. Victoria watched her breath rising in the air against the night sky.

“Its so still out here.”, said Victoria.

Walters nodded and looked around. “Do you know what I think about at moments like this?”, he asked.

Victoria looked at him. She didn’t answer his question; just showed that she was listening.

“I have this content excitement looking at something so beautiful, and then I feel a sad tinge. I remember that Mary won’t see anything like this again.”
This statement sat heavy for Victoria. She’d endured so many moments of sadness in the past months.

“Do you think she gets to see this sort of thing wherever she is? Or maybe better?”, asked Victoria.

“I don’t know. I’ve never been one to find an answer to that question. You’d think I’d have to answer that one for myself after losing Mary. But my mind just can’t go far enough to know.”, said Walters.

“Does it feel like a possibility to you?”, asked Victoria.

“That possibility feels as far away as the closest star up there.”, said Walter, looking up at the sky. “Its not close enough to give me comfort.”

“I don’t know if I was ever really pregnant. Or if the tests were just wrong, or my body was sending the wrong signals. But I feel like there was a life in there. And if there was, I think it gets to go where our relatives go. I think whatever it didn’t experience here, it gets to experience elsewhere…and then some.”, said Victoria.

“That’s a beautiful belief. I really hope you’re right.”, said Walters. “And I think if you experienced a life, then it must have been something.” He paused for a moment. “You probably didn’t get to mourn that openly…since it wasn’t clear if you were pregnant.”

“Yea. My mom gets it. But Rob and friends always told me it probably was a false test because they think it will make me feel better. Or it just makes them feel better.”, said Victoria.

Victoria started to notice how cold she’d become. She said, “I should start heading to bed and warm up. Do you want to head back?”

Walters and Victoria walked back without talking much. They both enjoyed the beauty of the woods, but were holding a lot of thoughts. When they arrived back at the cabin, they entered a much warmer room. The fireplace was dying down a bit, but the wood stove radiated warmth. Walters added a few more logs to the fire and two more to the wood stove. Victoria checked her phone. Her email hadn’t gone through. Her mother must have been worried out of her mind. She decided to try a text to see if it would send.

Victoria debated taking some layers off to sleep on the couch, but decided to go full-layered with a blanket over herself. Russel pulled another blanket and some pillows from under his bed. Victoria set up the couch and burrowed in. Walters turned out the lights and settled into his bed. The room had a warm glow from the fireplace.

“Goodnight, Dr. Walters. Thank you again for helping me tonight.”, said Victoria.

“Goodnight, Vicky! Glad to get the chance to catch up. It’s been great talking to you again. Feels like our relationship picked up right where we left it when you graduated. Goodnight.”, said Walters.

Although Victoria suddenly noticed the loudness of the mid-night woods outside, she fell asleep very quickly.

Six

Victoria’s phone alarm went off at 5:30am. She was startled for a moment, having to remind herself of why she was sleeping on a couch in a cold, dark cabin. She looked around the room and heard Walters snoring on his twin bed. She rose from the couch, looked at her phone. Her text message hadn’t sent. She wondered how many texts or calls from her mom hadn’t registered on her phone yet. Victoria placed her charger into her bag and put her coat on. She walked over to Walters’ bed.

“Russ?….Russ?….(louder) Hey Russ?”

“Huh? Yea?”, Walters woke with a bit of a startle. “Oh, hey.”

“Could you walk with me to my car? I want to get signal on my phone and see what the plan is for today.”, said Victoria.

“Yea. Sure. Let me get some shoes on.” Walters rose from bed. He rubbed his eyes and head.

Walters and Victoria walked up the gravel road with the flashlight in the dark. The sky had become overcast, so there was little light in the woods again. From the flashlight beam, it looked like it was flurrying a little. The snow had become crunchy in the overnight cold; it was actually easier to walk through. They arrived at the highway after a bit and turned toward the bar. Victoria could see that the highway roads were covered in a thin layer of icy slush, and there were areas of the road that had thicker blocks of ice or chunks of snow. When they arrived at the bar, the parking lot was covered in over a foot of snow and Victoria’s car was buried against the building. Snow drifts had almost completely covered her car. Victoria had a bar of service on her phone and voicemails started buzzing on her phone, one after the other. As Walters unlocked the bar door, she started to listen to her voicemails.

“You can connect to the Wi-Fi. You’ll get more signal that way. Its ‘RoadStop’ and the password is ‘Letmein1’”, said Walters.

Victoria connected her phone to the wi-fi and went back to listening to voicemails. Her mom had left three worried voicemails and, in her third voicemail, concluded that her daughter must have lost charge on her phone and fallen asleep before it was charged. She also received a voicemail from the department chair, Ed Spokane. He had called later last night and told Victoria that the university would be closing the next day. He gave her his cell phone and asked her to call him to discuss rescheduling. She sent a text to her mom saying she was ok, saying she was in State College and would call her later that morning. She would also call Dr. Spokane in a few hours.

“You’re right. They closed the university. Ed Spokane wants me to call him to reschedule.”, said Victoria.

“Told ya. Looks like we have more time to hang out. Why don’t I get my gas stove and make some breakfast for us?”, said Walters.

He put a table-top burner on the top of the bar. He pulled a sauté pan from under the bar. Walters took eggs and bacon out of a small fridge. He lit the burner and placed strips of bacon on the pan.

“Can I crank up the heat in here?”, asked Victoria.

“Sure. Thermostat is on the back right wall. Do you want a Bloody Mary or Mimosa?”

“I’ll just take a coffee if you have any.”, said Victoria.

“I can warm up last night’s coffee.” Walters poured a cup under the bar and placed it in a microwave on the far end of the back shelf.

Victoria sat and listened to the sizzling bacon. She was tired and cold. Being out in a cabin overnight created a coldness in her body she couldn’t warm up yet.

“Do you think anyone will be able to drive me to the hotel today?”, asked Victoria.

“Leaving so soon?”, Walters flashed a smile but appeared a little disappointed that there time was ending. “I’ll get one of the guys with a bigger truck to give you a ride today. Let me make some calls after breakfast.”

“Ok. Thank you! I’ve been so grateful for your help. Do you want to come into town with me today?”, asked Victoria.

“Hmmm. That’s a Pandora’s box.”, said Walters with a smile. “Maybe. Maybe it’s time to see the locals again.”

Victoria didn’t want to push. Walters handed her the coffee. She held it in her hands and let it warm them for a few seconds.

“Question. How do you shower out here?”, asked Victoria.

“I usually ride down the highway to one of the truck stops. They have some good shower stalls.”, said Walters.

“Oh. That makes sense.”

“What are you gonna do with your day in State College?”, asked Walters.

“I don’t know. I’d like to walk around if the campus is cleared out enough. I might look up some old professors and friends and see if they want to get dinner.”, said Victoria.

“That’d be great.”, said Walters.

When breakfast was ready, Victoria and Walters ate in a hungry silence. They both finished their food in minutes. It was going on 7 o’clock. Walters pulled a phone handset from under the bar. He called the first potential driver.

“Hi, Paul? Are you going to work today?……Oh, good……Can I ask a favor? Would you be able to give Victoria and me a ride into town this morning?….That’s great. I appreciate it, Paul…..Ok, we’ll see you in 45 minutes.”

Seven

After spending a half hour with a shovel, a broom, and an ice scraper clearing her car as best she and Dr. Walters could, Victoria and Walters jumped into Paul’s warm truck. His heavy truck had no problem riding the winding highway roads into State College.

“Could we stop at a clothing store to buy a change of clothes?”, asked Walters.

“Sure.”, said Paul.

At a clothing outlet, Walters jumped out of the truck and was back in five minutes with a bag. Paul then drove Victoria and Walters to the Nittany Lion Inn, Victoria’s hotel for the interview. Walters and Victoria exited the truck. Walters stood awkwardly for a moment; he wasn’t sure what to do.

“Why don’t you take a hot shower in my hotel room before you decide your plan for the day, Dr. Walters?”, said Victoria.

“Man. That would be great if you don’t mind.”, said Walters.

Victoria checked into her room. The front desk assistant let her know that the department extended the stay until tomorrow. Victoria and Walters walked through the Victorian Inn to her room. As Victoria settled into her room, Walters took a quick, hot shower. He walked out with his new Penn State sweatshirt and green khaki pants.  

“I’m going to go for a walk through town. Do you want to meet me for lunch after you’ve settled and gotten things sorted out? How about the sandwich shop at noon”, asked Walters.

“That’d be great.”, said Victoria.

After Walters left, Victoria took a long hot shower. She let herself stand in the steamy stream of water to warm up her body. She registered again how tired she was. Victoria does her best thinking in the shower. She thought about Walters and his wife screaming at each other. She thought about the accident scene on the highway with Walters’ daughter. She saw Rob’s face in her mind and imagined the face of a young baby girl. She could feel her eyes burning with tears. During their talk last night, Victoria’s anger at Rob loosened a little. New thoughts and feelings had been swirling in her head since their talk.

Victoria walked out of the shower in a towel. She laid on the bed for a second. If she laid there too long, she’d fall asleep. Maybe that’d be okay; she’d just wait for her phone to ring. Then she remembered she should call Dr. Spokane. She walked over to her phone. She called Spokane’s cell number. After two rings:

“Hi, Dr. Spokane?…..This is Victoria Williams…Yes, thank you……Ok…..Yes, I can ……Yes, I’m at the hotel…..Ok, great. I’ll see you tomorrow morning…Ok, thank you….Bye.”

Eight

Victoria met Walters at a sandwich shop on campus. They ate lunch and walked around the campus for a bit, sharing memories of Victoria’s time in the graduate program. Walters shared that he feels a little weird being back on campus; it had been six months since he’d come into town. Victoria decided that she’d forego the meetup with old friends. Between calling and planning and spending a few hours at dinner, she’d take up a lot of her night before her interview. Walters and Victoria decided to get dinner at the Allen Street Grill, a collegian-style colonial bar and grille on the second floor of a corner building. It had a huge window front on the corner walls of the dining area, which looked out over the central, Old Main building on the Penn State campus. After dinner, they moved to the bar to have some drinks.

“We should get lunch tomorrow before you leave town.”, said Walters.

“Yea. Do you want to meet me in town here and then you could drive me back to my car?”, said Victoria.

“Sure.”, said Walters. “This has been nice company the past two days, palling around with you Vicky.”

“Yea. It’s been really nice to catch up and reconnect. I’ve wondered about you a number of times over the past five years. You made grad school such a good experience for me.”, said Victoria.

“Well, you were a dream student, Vicky. Smart, eager to learn, willing to take feedback. I knew you’d be a natural therapist your first year.”, said Walters.

“Funny how much has changed the past five years.” Walters expression flattened.

“Do you feel like you’ve been doing okay with everything?”, asked Victoria.

“Yea. I’m doing much better the past 6 months or so.”, said Walters. “I’ve found another groove for myself.”

“I just wonder, with as much as we’ve talked the last two days, if we’re both starved for connection.”, said Victoria.

“As always, a good therapist comment, Vicky.”, said Walters with a smile. “I stay connected with the gang at the bar, though.”

“Yea, but is that enough intimacy for you?”, asked Victoria.

“Well, like I said yesterday. I’ve decided to make this part of my life about working on me.”, said Walters.

“Do you feel like you’re doing that?”, asked Victoria.

Walters paused for a few seconds. “I’m not trying to be defensive here, Vicky, but what are you getting at? It feels like you’re trying to make a point.”

“I think I’m just worried about you. I’m worried you’d be so lonely after this big trauma in your life.”, said Victoria.

“Well. That’s just part of my life now. I won’t be able to get rid of those sad feelings. I just keep moving with them.”, said Walters.

“But, have you felt better with the time we’ve spent together the past two days? I just imagine it’d be good for you to have closer relationships.”, said Victoria.

“Look, Vicky. I know you’ve been through loss, too. But there are some things that you don’t understand. Is it so bad if I don’t want to get that close to people again? I’m ok biding the rest of my time being alone. I’m at a different age, Vicky. I know you still have plenty of time in your life. You want another shot at love. I’m past that point. The years I have left are about me being present in each day and enjoying myself. That’s all I need.”

There’s about a minute of silence between them.

“I’m not sure I gave it enough of a shot with Rob.”, said Victoria.

“What do you mean?”, asked Walters.

“I was so angry at him. I couldn’t be in the relationship after the pregnancy. But maybe the anger is loosening up now. Maybe there’s other feelings to talk about with him. He could be a good dad and husband in the future; maybe he really just wasn’t ready.”, said Victoria. “Our talking helped me loosen up on that a bit.”

Walters sat with a pained look on his face for a few seconds. “So, are you saying I’m running from my problems?”

“What? No! How did you get that?”, asked Victoria.

“You were just talking about how lonely I am, and now you’re saying that our talks the past two days have helped you reconsider running away to State College.”, said Walters. He wouldn’t look at Victoria; he just looked down into his drink.

“No. I’ve never looked at it as running away to State College. I thought this was going to be a good change for me. It might still be. I’m just saying that I’m not as sure now.”, said Victoria. “I never thought you are running away. I can’t imagine what it’s like to lose an 18-year-old daughter. And, like you said, you’re at a different part of your life. I don’t know what that’d be like later in my life.”, said Victoria.

She scrambled to recover, although she also didn’t feel like she had said something wrong. She knew Russel was acting out some conflict with her.

Walters sat in silence with an angry look on his face.

Victoria said softly, “Hey. I really wasn’t suggesting something about you. I feel terrible for what you’ve gone through. I have nothing but empathy for your situation. Nobody would have the right to tell you how you need to cope after something like that.”

Walters waited a few beats. “Yea.” He waited a few more beats. “I know I’m avoiding things. That’s just what I need for right now.”

“I think that’s ok.”, said Victoria. “Like you said, you’re putting one foot in front of the other.”

Walters didn’t look angry anymore, but the air had been taken out of the conversation. Walters sat there, looking at his drink, looking deeply sad.

“I’m sorry if I upset you, Russel.”, said Victoria, putting her hand on his shoulder.

“Its ok. Its not you, its me.”, said Walters with a half smile. “You should get to bed. Your interview is early tomorrow. I should head back to the bar. There might be a few of the gang sitting there, waiting for me.”

“Ok. If you’re ready to go.”, said Victoria. “I can stay a while longer if you want.”

“Nah. Let’s get you back to your hotel. I’ll take a cab from there.”, said Walters.

They paid their tab and walked down to the street. Walters walked with Victoria up the sidewalk going through Penn State’s campus. It was a pretty straight line up campus to the hotel. They didn’t talk for a few minutes.

“Hey, the number I called last night, was that the number for the bar phone?”, asked Victoria.

“Yea. I don’t have a cell right now.”, said Walters.

“Should I call you when I’m done tomorrow, or do you just want to set a time to meet in town?”, asked Victoria.

“Yea, you can give me a call. I’ll be cleaning the bar late tomorrow morning. You should be able to reach me.”, said Walters.

“Ok.” They had reached the hotel. “Do you want to hang out in the lobby to wait for a cab?”, asked Victoria.

“That’s ok. You get to bed. I’ll actually walk up to Park Avenue and flag down a cab there.”, said Walters.

“Ok. Thanks again for everything, Dr. Walters. I’m sorry again if I upset you tonight. It’s been really great to talk and catch up.”, said Victoria.

“Thanks, Vicky. Its ok; I’m ok. It’s been great seeing you. Good luck tomorrow. You’ll do great. Call me and let me know how it went when you’re done.”, said Walters.

Victoria stepped toward Walters and gave him a hug. She held him for a few extra seconds. He tightened his arms around her and settled into the embrace. Victoria gave him an extra squeeze and squeezed his arm as she let go of the hug. Walters looked at her with a sad smile. Victoria looked up at him with wet eyes.

“I’ll see you tomorrow.”, said Walters. “Good luck!”

“Ok. Thanks. See you tomorrow. Good night.”, said Victoria

Nine

Victoria had a fitful night of sleep at the Nittany Lion Inn. She woke early and dressed in a dark blue suit jacket with a white blouse and dark blue suit pants. Dr. Spokane met her in the hotel lobby. They walked to the psychology building, which is a short walk from the hotel. Victoria met with the department professors for an hour for formal questions. Then, she met with the department professors, psychology graduate students, and professors from other departments for an open presentation. Victoria then met with Dr. Spokane separately for a final 15 minutes.

After they sat down, Spokane opened, “Great job today! We can talk more openly now that the formal part of the interview is over. We were very excited to have you apply to this position. The faculty are really impressed by your research and experience. You’re clearly going to be great as a teacher. We’ve had three candidates for this position and you were our last interview. I can tell you, off the record, that we’ll be putting an offer together for you in the next couple days. I’ll be able to talk about all the numbers when HR gives me the final ok. I’m not going to put you on the spot today, but I hope you’re interested in taking this position.”

“That’s great news, Dr. Spokane!”, said Victoria. “I’m very excited to hear that. I’m very excited about the position and look forward to hearing about more of the details. As you know, I love it here in State College.”

“Good, that’s great. I’ll be in touch later this week. Call or email me if you have any other questions before I talk to you.”, said Spokane.

Victoria walked out of the building with Spokane and they shook hands outside the door. On the walk back to the hotel, Victoria called Walters number. The phone kept ringing without an answer. She tried again with no answer. When she arrived back at the hotel, Victoria went to her room, changed into more comfortable clothes, packed up, and checked out. In the lobby, she tried to call Walters again. The phone rang without an answer for two more calls. Victoria, disappointed, asked the hotel desk if they could call a cab for her. They said a cab service would be outside the hotel in 5-10 minutes.

On the ride back to Russel’s bar, Victoria thought about the all-but-set offer for the professor job. She should be really excited, but the past three days had thrown everything into confusion for her. She tried to call Walters again to see if he’d be at the bar. The phone kept ringing without an answer again. When the cab arrived at Russel’s bar, there were no lights on inside or out. Victoria could see something attached to the front door. She paid the cab driver, walked her bags over to her car, and then walked to what appeared to be a letter duct taped to the front door. Victoria took the letter off and folded it open. She saw that it was a handwritten note from Russel. It read:

Vicky:
I’ve taken a ride to the mall area to get supplies for the bar and my cabin. I probably won’t be back before you return from your interview. I’m sure you did great! It has been so wonderful and personally helpful to spend time with you this week. It was such a pleasant surprise to catch up with an old student and an old friend. You’ve gotten me thinking about a lot this week. I’m ok with my life right now, but you’re right that I’ll eventually need more. I don’t know when I’ll be ready for that. But you’ve opened my mind to those possibilities again. Thank you for that!

I hope you don’t mind, but I knew how to start your car without the keys. I wanted to make sure your battery was ok for the ride home. I warmed it up for a while around noon. It should be in good shape to drive home. But you should stop and get some windshield fluid. Get the kind that defrosts the window, in case you run into any more weather on the way home.

Safe drive home! I hope I get to see you again soon! Whether you take the job or not (by the way, I talked to Ed Spokane yesterday. They had planned to offer you the position since you applied), please come back to State College and see me again soon. We’ll spend another night spilling our guts in the woods.

Take care and talk to you soon,

Russ

Victoria was warmed by the letter, but sad she wouldn’t see Walters again before her trip home. She’d felt closer to him this week than she’d felt with anyone for months. Victoria carried the letter with her to the car. She found a pen in her car and wrote two sentences on the other side of the paper and taped it back to the door.

On her ride home, Victoria looked at the mountains differently as she went through the ridges and valleys of central PA; she imagined the potential for nighttime walks and warm cabins in the woods that she passed. Victoria thought about a lot on the ride home, but she thought most about her old friend Russel, and she thought about Rob. She was excited to talk to Rob for the first time in months.

Ten

As we watch Victoria’s small sedan drive down the highway, we can glance back at a letter taped to a dive bar a couple dozen miles behind us. It’s blowing softly in the wind. The wind may foretell another storm coming that night. As we watch the letter move, we see two sentences on the outside of the letter:

Thank you for showing me that the quiet of the woods could give me quiet inside. Now, you need to walk out of the woods, and find who’s out there. Love, Vicky.